a series of pebbles in the sky

 

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about purpose. I’m not looking for answers to things in earnest, but pondering about how one event slides into another. Life belongs only to itself, and all our paths are just different ways to get there. I’m not trying to be morbid and apologize if this concept offends anyone. But, lately, I’ve been learning to cope with a loss, which naturally makes me think of life, and reasons, and what happens after we’re gone.  It’s comforting to think about how we all have this greater purpose. I know I think it is, which is why I continue to believe it.

Learning lessons and growing up can be painful, but without the pain, we aren’t quite real. Feelings are to humans what petals are to flowers. It’s the defining characteristic. We are intense creatures that thrive on emotions. Diving in can hurt. Not too long ago I dove into something with my head and my heart in a way I haven’t in years. This friendship was honestly reminiscent of a high school friendship in a superb book—the kind that gets gobbled up in a weekend. We had been looking for each other, at least, that’s what it felt like at the time.

I’m rambling, and getting a little dark, but that’s okay. I’m just typing.

My point, I guess, living is a force a lot like a wave. Waves can be ridden but rarely fought. It’s best to lean into it.

Translation: Choose to enjoy.
I have come to a decision recently to make myself continuously uncomfortable. It’s astonishingly easy to get into a place where there aren’t any risks taken. Some may call that reaching stasis is a good thing but not in the sense where you stop reaching for anything. Goals are important and without them I become inconstant. Podcasting has been something I have wanted to explore for years. I’m excited to share that with you guys. The first episode will be posted on Thursday, and every Thursday for the foreseeable future.

This is a page in the book where I make myself uncomfortable for my own good.

Too much wanting is no good. Grabbing and reaching for possibilities, now that feels like a better way to roll.

Family and career juggling becomes such a force all on to itself that a place to stand in the safe zone can seem appealing, and I think there were a few years where I was totally and completely okay with that. But at this phase of my life, I’m going to shake myself up in some healthy way. I have goals that I’ve been working toward for a long time. All that is coming to a head and I think that skipping on lily pads is the way to go.
Well, I have more podcast tinkering I want to do before I get crazy tired. I don’t have a large window. Practice. Practice.

Well, that’s it for now. Until next time.

Thanks for reading.
-Jayme

Fall For Castles in the Air

His eyes are so blue.
I don’t want to let him down, but I fear it’s destined.

Destiny?
I wish I could just grab onto the concept.
“You can,” said the wind or voice spoken in a whisper.
“At first, there was nothing then a burst of blue butterflies flapping their wings.
“It’s so important to believe. Magic counts on us as we rely on it. Like so much, we all too quickly misunderstand the importance of something we exist with.”
Bubbles have replaced the flapping of blue.
“Is this what it’s supposed to feel like?”
“The process is personal.”
“You could answer me with proper responses I’m more accustomed to!”
“What would be the fun in that?”
“Some, still I think.”
“I’m not certain.”
“Are we late?”
“Maybe.”
“Should we go?”
“Absolutely.”
The birds of blue and gold fly in circles about in the pink-painted sky. Whisper urge us to keep going.

Characters: story building

My stories always start with one character that’s speaking to be enough to explore their life. Sometimes the character just comes to me. The Highly Capable’s Ruby just showed up one day with her crazy, red hair and attitude, demanding I pay attention to her. Other times I actively seeking characters. They are good to have around.
Recently I wrote a coming of age young adult novel. (It’s not in my hands at the moment, so the mere mention of it gives my stomach some discomfort.) During the early stages of creating that book I knew I had needed a character somewhere, an important on but I didn’t have a clear idea who they were.
(The ability to see through the whole story helps not getting stuck, staring at the screen or notebook with wide eyes and the taste of sulfur on my tongue.
I often break off into jam sessions if the sentences aren’t flowing. Abstract thought can be very freeing.
I ended up with a fun process I use when creating characters that now I use regularly, sometimes even as my warm up exercises. It’s pretty simplistic, entertaining, and involves talking to yourself using a pen ad paper—which by the way is something I highly recommend to everyone. Something I write questions down and often, then write down the answer automatically without even realizing it.
Here, it goes something like this:

Key Trait- Stubborn
Reality- A future during the time the sun is dying
Goal- To find her brother
Obstacle- She’s contained inside a raider camp
Stubbornness- Helps find her brother.

See what happened there?

Not controlling my thoughts helps here, but I always do start in this order.

Another one:

Key Trait- Impulsiveness
Reality: Present time, dealing with grief
Goal: To find peace in his life without his loved one.
Obstacle: Dealing with the loss is painful, which leads to avoidance.

Here the first trait, impulsiveness is going to be something that works against the character.

There are a million possible outcomes. I do exercises similarly to this for free writing, but also for larger projects throughout the whole process. I find that it helps me to be able to see what I couldn’t before, and that’s always good.

Reverie

The wind shifts through the trees. The sense of her is everywhere. Flowers smell in a sort of way that captures me and sets me right there in the center of all of it.

Whispers tear at my heart. Time is one the force that commands us all. The moon will come in second. A piece of the sun is in all of us.

“Try as hard as you can,” she sings in the spaces between the trees.

“I will, I promise.” I declare to the doves that spread the seeds. “I will not be afraid.”

 

Surreptitious

It’s you again,” she said without looking. The sense of him came to her as quickly as flinging back her hair or pouring a glass of wine. The wind has away with secret doors—there one minute begging you to enter, then suddenly nowhere in sight.

How scary that she didn’t see the truth in it all.

To call it hope would be to sell it short. It’s a facade so expertly crafted. False identities are the number one symptom caused by lying. Pledge to keep the whispers out of the dark and our ankles from sinking in the deep pools that manifest in the caverns from erroneous judgment.
His cold hand now flat on her back.

Soon it will be time to go.

“She left me a note,” he said weakened and beat up by his current reality.

“No, she didn’t,” the woman spoke, her voice could be mistaken for the wind.
“I think she did,” he said now sounding much less certain.
The stars began to fall then, or the mismatched pair started to float among them. No one could quite tell the difference from the two. Any discomfort ceased. The journey reset and quiet fell upon the grass.

dreaming up new projects

A Story Concept I’ve been tinkering around in a notebook or two. I love blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. Any guesses?
A darkness settled in the spaces between the mountains. The Harsh cold began to roll down the cliff sides, causing gusts of sweeping bitterness to lash my face.
I have come so far; I can’t possibly give up now. What would I tell those that dreamt of me?

Orders were handed to me. My mission was clear. The part I didn’t think through was the consequences of not being able to warn them I couldn’t stay long.

Guilt lingers in every conversation shared. It faints every touch. Every cherished moment cursed with the truth I only know. Eventually, I will leave them.
The stars displayed themselves majestically.

Only You

Found a home inside my chest
Vines strangle each rib,
Where the hopeful become the haunted.
All flawless,
Each petal a landscape
A universe to each
A perspective alien to everyone else but me.
Solitary in my cage
You brought me hope
An agreement
Arranged sustenance
The outlines of branches
The Clues in the stars
It was all there.
Dark came too quickly.
Ripped from the ground
Stripped of all its life
A rawness swells in the vulnerability
Rattling
Crushing
Killing
I miss you

The waves crash into my fear
Blind light quickly follows
Then nothing
Nothing but a blank canvas
Everything erased

Impossible stones falling
Rain washed over truths
I wail
I yell
There is home under the largest tree
Stories are the only proof
Legend
Deaf Ears
Wings aren’t given to the weak
We know how hard you fought
A choice made no one but the moon, who calls command to all
Fall Apart
Rebuild
Collapse
Stand tall
Warmth wraps around you
Make me believe
Impossible seeds
Lay in the shallow soil
A flicker
Quiet.
Still.
So much longing.
One day again
Thread around my toes.