The sky was a bright blue, patched with fully white clouds. The air still required sleeves, but the warmer weather was close. Springs in Seattle were special, different and more magical somehow than they are in on the east coast. They have the autumn; the spring belongs to us. Since it stays green all year around, we have the upper hand. It had been two long since I’ve been here. Honestly, I have avoided it. My ghosts are here.
I was fortunate they didn’t follow me. The other side of that was I never wanted to come back. I knew all I left behind would be here waiting for me. But, that’s the thing about losing someone, it brings loose pieces together in a different way.
The bus was stopped across the street. Cars of all sizes rushed down the parked-car-framed, hilly roads. Tall, poorly lit building cast shadows on all of it, highlighting the insignificance of it all. My sister told me she would pick me up of I got myself downtown from the airport. I did my part, but as I waited, I started to worry she wasn’t going to hers. I left seven years ago without looking back. Part of me was surprised that she even told me about dad. Her reaching out (which she never did) made me feel like I needed to be here to help her close down our childhood home. I wasn’t a very good daughter or sister, I never learned how to be either of those, but coming back now felt like something I had to do—it was something that a part of me knew would happen eventually.
The moment I got out of the cab all the memories hit me. All my ghosts were waiting for me. Everything I left was ready to be picked up. Then that’s what I all started rushing back. I saw his eyes first, as it always was with Pete. His large round blue eyes always hit first, and then everything else about him in around me. Just like that it felt like the last seven years never existed, as I’d never lost him.
(Written while listening to, Here You Me By Jimmy Eat World)